Suri

I frequent the grocery store. I do this to buy groceries. (Just to be clear) While buying my apples and assorted vegetables the other day I noticed the headlines of most tabloids were buzzing about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Apparently the public thinks that Mr.Cruise has taken Katie Holmes and their newborn child Suri captive. Theres even a line of apparel titled "Free Katie" which is a movement to liberate the young actress. The line states that shes a "young gifted actress being kept away by forces they may never understand"
Well let me tell you, I UNDERSTAND. This is a classic case of short man complex. Im sure if someone just handed Tom cruise a steady set of stilts everything would work itself out. The long awaited revealing of Suri would take place, and we could all live happily again. We'd be back in front of our TV sets, popping prozac, brainlessly oggling our celebrities, just like the good old days when the only thing we had to worry about were minor things like say.. global warming.